“You are going to be a mom!!!”
Oh, that’s the most wonderful thing that could ever happen to you!” This is one of the most typical and common reactions that you will get when you tell anyone that you are pregnant and going to be a mom. Everyone will be quick to tell you how it is going to be one of the most amazing and life-changing experiences in your life and how you should just relax and enjoy it to the fullest.
However, no one tells you the flip side and of course there is one to this situation just like to any other. To be frank, motherhood initially is a major phase in learning. The journey from discovering you are pregnant, to battling morning sickness to constant doctor visits to the fear and pain of labour and finally bringing a baby into this world is long and tiring. If you thought the labour was the worst part, think again. Once your baby is here you turn into a machine. Yes, a machine that feeds, burps, cleans and soothes the baby. Magically you learn to function on 2 hours sleep per day. Suddenly you become an expert on baby first aid.
No one realizes the emotional turmoil you are going through. For first time moms, it is completely normal to feel inadequate in motherhood. Your emotions can range from happiness to pride to depression to frustration. While on one hand you are supposed to be mastering the art of taking the best care of your baby, on the other hand, for your own sanity it is important that you handle the complicated tangle of emotions inside you. As someone rightly said, the hardest part of being a mother is knowing how to handle your own emotions.
Of all the emotions felt, guilt is the paramount. Guilt of not knowing how to do things, guilt of not liking your child when he/she embarrasses you or throws a tantrum, guilt of not feeling that exhilarating feeling of happiness every time of the day, guilt of not giving enough time to your husband and so on. It seems never ending. And what makes it even harder is that everywhere you look around, mommies seem to be managing beautifully.
The first and foremost thing to do is to accept the fact that there is absolutely no need to go on a guilt trip. Everyone is going through the same experience whether or not they share it out aloud. No mommy is born an expert and we all learn as we go. It is ok if the house is untidy, if your baby has pooped over the bed sheet, if there is puke over your best tee shirt. It seriously is ok! A thumb rule for new mommies is to “Let Go” of certain things and not worry. As we grow older and more experienced, we learn that all worrying does is to add on to the number of wrinkles on our face – nothing else.
Who said being a mother is easy??? Motherhood is exhausting and stressful. Deal with it. But yes, for most of us, even if we know how hard it is, would we still want to do it all over again? 9 out of 10 times yes of course! It is absolutely ok to not love each and every second of the experience.
It’s the Mommy Magic after all.
