Advice For a Mom Taking Care of Your Mom

Back in 2017 my mother had a fall while living alone and moved in with us. We thought it would be for a short amount of time until her health was back up and her hip was healed, but after a while we noticed her memory was fading. That was four years ago and since then she has been diagnosed with dementia. My mother will continue living with us for as long as we can help her, but we know eventually she will need more care then we can provide.

Because we did not expect anything like this to happen and we were ill prepared my mother hadn’t put enough away in her retirement funds in order to afford an extended amount of time in a care facility or any kind of nursing home care. 

This forced me and my husband to consider what would happen as we aged as well. We have decided to get long term care insurance to protect ourselves. Our policy protects both of us in the case we need around the clock care for any reason, like hospitalization or nursing home and at home professional care. We can hope that the day never comes, but the piece of mind that our policy allows us makes moving forward with our lives much easier and we get great comfort knowing our sons will not have to worry about where we will end up towards the end of our lives.

I’ve learned so much in the time it has been since we had my mother move in with us. Daily tasks between jungling my boys schedules and also trying to keep my mother safe and comfortable has been like having three children instead of 2. My mother needs help and supervision when she’s cooking or even trying to make tea. We are constantly following behind here turning off the stove burners and taking burnt food out of the oven that she has forgotten she was cooking. The hardest times are when she forgets that she lives with us now and tells us she wants to head home and we have to remind her we sold her house and put aside the money for her care. She gets so upset when she wants to take the boys to the park or for a walk and forgets how to get back to the house. My husband and I have spent many evenings driving around trying to find her when she wanders off or forgets where she was headed and just starts walking around. She will need more intensive care then we will be able to give her soon and that breaks my heart, but we can’t keep taking care of her if it means endangering our boys. Luckily she does have a small retirement plan and we were able to sell her house and put that money aside for her care now, but it breaks my heart knowing that my mother would be so much happier being cared for in her own home.

Leave a comment below if you or someone you love is going through the same struggle me and my family are facing.